Wanting to believe those words ive changed, to mum its not you its your addiction | tasha1987's Blog

To Mum, the phone bleeps i have a text message from your friend. You left him again, that slight little hope in my heart wants so much to believe that this time it could be the end and wanting to believe those words ive changed. I want so much much for it all to be true. why do you mess with my head so much! if i could i would walk away and never look back but that little bit of hope that one day your words will mean so much more that hurt and anger! there is nothing more in the world i want than you back! I am 25 years of age and all i want is my mum, the old days the way we used to be! i want you! if i could just trust you but you have hurt me so much! The worry became easier but it never went its there everyday! i miss you so much! and today i feel that maybe its the end! and a new beginning. I am here am waiting ill always be here waiting all it takes is proof that your ready to stop drinking and be my mother again! selfish??? maybe, but is it so hard to want what so many people have everyday? to see and hear everyday about  mother and daughters relationship! jealous??? oh yes totally! believe your gonna change??? Nope, my barrier is so high i cant let yo fool me anymore the pain is so hard to budge that i need PROOF!!! i want to trust you i want so much to believe everyday that your back and theirs gonna be no more lies! Hopefully my blog becomes less depressing! prove everybody wrong mum! i know you can do it! I do believe in you and please for your own sanity don't go back to him! Pick me Please!!! love you with all my heart Mum, always waiting!